Philanthropy Time!

Now in a neat flyer: Flyer

Hello all! This is my first solicitory blog post as I try to arrange a pretty crazy trip out to Northern Mexico to help build a house for a family in need. I have been thinking about trying to do this for the past ... 10 years.. and NOW I am finally going to put all my effort into getting it done.

The deal is this... All over the Northern parts of Mexico there are people who are struggling to survive. A lot of them don't have running water, electricity, or even a solid roof over their heads. While it is pretty heartbreaking to see, there IS something we can do to help!!! Build a house! I'm talking about flying/driving down to the chosen families location, pouring concrete, laying nails (hopefully in wood), slapping sheetrock, framing walls, pulling wire, all kinds of stuff that construction people do... Now, these houses aren't exactly palaces. In fact they are only about 250 SQFT (I think).. But they can provide the basic necessity of stability for a family that needs it, especially during the winter months. Anyways, that's enough 'splainin... Now lets get to the details...

Detail 1 - Dates:
This is tricky because we have to raise money, but if things are looking good by March 1st we should be in business. Here are two options, depending on your free time:
3 Days
- March 20th 2010 (Saturday) - March 24nd AM (Wednesday).

March 20th: Arrive in San Diego no later than 11am...
March 22nd: Leave San Diego after 5pm...

I will need a volunteer or two to help out a few days before the 20th to help pour the
foundation and get supplies in order.

Southwest is 49 bux each way... And has plenty of options...

Detail 2 - $$$:
Common House Fund: $5000 (group total)
Meals: $20 a day (per person)
Room & Board: $10 a day (per person, more on that later)
Transportation from San Diego Airport: $30 total (per person)
Transportation to San Diego Airport: We can fly or ... rent a van and drive! (Negating the fee above)

Ok so how can you help!!!???? Here are the three options...

#1 - People who want to help, but don't want to do anything.
- Write a check.. I don't think we have any tax-free charities going on, but I can check on that..

#2 - People who want to help, but don't want to pay anything.
- Raise some money through your friends. We can make something more formal for them in case they need proof that you're not stealing their money for Vodka.
- Come and help! All you have to do is find a way to cover the expenses above. Of course it would be great if you could help raise money for the group fund :-)
- Recruit someone else.. I know you signed someone up involuntarily before, that is if you are my friend, why not do it again?

#3 - People who want to help and will break their backs doing so...
- Raise money above.
- Be ready to swing hammers, befuddle electrical circuits, and sterilize water.


Ok, more about room and board.

My friend Jeff Smith who does this trip every year and has been for the past 15+ years (I think) usually stays with a man named Sergio. Sergio is an overall awesome guy who helps out the community and has a facility that people can sleep in for $10 a night! It's not the Hilton, but it has a lot of dogs! It's safe and he will make sure our stuff stays intact, both bodies and suitcases.

Ok, more about the situation..
This is all editorial, but to people who are concerned about their safety in Mexico.. I have to say that this trip happens every year by multiple groups, and to my knowledge nothing has ever happened. I hope to say that this will happen, BUT if we are chased by banditos we will choose one person to throw from the back of the bus and we will never look back... never...

Thanks for reading, and let's do this!

Even The Homeless "Garden" Project Begs For Money

The homeless garden project has begun panhandling for YOUR change. The project, facing financial instability, plans to setup a stand on Pacific Ave and compete for your attention among PETA and SOS (Save our Shores). The project doesn't need much money, and uses pictures of carrots alone with creative slogans like, "Why lie, I need fertilizer" and "Need money for bus to OSH." Last year the HGP started their "Homeless Grown Vegetables" campaign, which was an immediate hit among the Santa Cruz locals.

Local homeless veteran Guy Saturday told reporters, "We need to iron this out or else these vegetables will be out on the street just like us." He added, "If I have to wait in line behind another carrot top I'm gonna piss all over this joint!"

A HGP representative elaborated on the story, "I can't believe this project has made it this long. I started it to keep the homeless off the streets. I knew homeless people were dirty, so playing in the dirt was a natural transition. Our original building was a giant trash compactor and we were just going to bate them in with poppyseed bagels, then crush them for dog food. Who knew they would start planting shit? Now I guess we need money.. Which makes sense.. Homeless have never been known for their ability to produce much more than obscenities and obscene gestures. If something doesn't change the vegetables will be just like their farmers, homeless."

Santa Cruz Sentinel Article

Can someone reassure me????

Is there such a thing as a sustainable economy?

With people consuming so much, can we possibly provide a lifestyle for our children comparable to our own?

Will people strive for education and science instead of complacency and American Idol?

Can we give up a 5 day work week and give more of our time to help humanity?

Will our country potentially stop being a world power in military strength and start being a world leader in conservation of resources and diplomacy?

Is the next part of our cycle as Americans to go back to smaller sustainable communities with less economic ambition and more ambition for philanthropy and community involvement?

Will we ever learn from our mistakes?

Is it possible to employ every person in a 350 million person country?

Can small government really work?

Can big government really work?

Can anyone really trust anyone to look out for anyone other than themselves?

Are we eating too much meat?

Are we depending on too many farm raised forms of food?

Are paper mills going to go out of business because of the Kindle 2? Are loggers going to lose their jobs because of paper companies going out of business? Is the entire state of Washington going to have to work for Microsoft?

Will we go back to basics if it means prolonging our foreseeable future on this planet? Can we give up our toys? TVs, DVDs, and Cars?

Sometimes I feel cursed by having a brain with this many cells...

P.S. The Kite Runner wasn't a good movie choice tonight.....

Sarah Silverman on Realtime with Bill Maher

You can tell she feels dirty giving Bill a fist pump...

My favorite quote, in reference to herself: Oh you know that Jew for Jesus that said the holocaust didn't happen, she's Jewish.

On another note I still can't help but laugh at the Vatican's "new and improved" list of sins. Fox News reports: The new deadly sins include polluting, genetic engineering, being obscenely rich, drug dealing, abortion, pedophilia and causing social injustice.

Vatican Adds Seven New Deadly Sins

Man Dies In Fortune Cookie Factory After Sending Hundreds Of Requests For Help

(San Jose, Steve Robinson News) In a tragic story, a local San Jose man was found dead in a fortune cookie factory after apparently being trapped for years. He was apparently held hostage by the "Sum Ting Rong Cookie Company" for at least 2 years. His attempts to alert the outside world to his presence were, tragically, laughed at, as people fell in love with the now famous "I am trapped in a Chinese fortune cookie company" fortune. Authorities found the man slumped over a folding table after the Sum Ting Rong Cookie Company was exposed by another cookie slave that happened to put the address on the end of the message. Unfortunatly, "Folding Phil," as he has fondly been referred to around the station, did not have his fortune come true.

SR NEWS - Josh Brown

My great business idea

Ok, since no one really reads this crap, I know that my secret is safe here.

I have an invention that is going to revolutionize sleep.

For too long have we put up with noise. It interrupts us while we sleep, ruins movies, destroys marriages, makes dogs come running, and makes airplanes fast.

My invention only solves some of the problems listed above, but IMO it is the most important problem: "Noise interrupts us while we sleep".

The idea is this. It's a pillow that has special sound resistant, I won't say sound proof for reasons below, foam that is not only supportive but also very comfortable. It will fit your head snugly using fashionable velcro straps and nice cushy cotton like material. It will look a lot like boxing head gear, but it really is just a 360 degree pillow for your head. Around the ears will be extra sound resistant material that will be able to block out 90% of snoring, but only 25% of Alarm clocks.

I think it's a great idea. Not very fashionable, but i'll leave that up to Erin.

Off To Tampa

I'm going to Tampa, FL until Tuesday. I think Erin and I picked a good time to go, because the weather report looks something like this...
Friday Sunny	Saturday Coconut-ty	Sunday Beach-y	Monday Speedo-y
While here in Santa Cruz it looks like...
Friday Lepre-butty	Saturday Booze-belty	Sunday Skunky	Monday Obama-y

Reality Check

Ha! So I am going to Naples, Italy in June. I am really excited, and I can't wait to eat pizza in the place where it was invented. My current Italian class is trying to prepare me, but I don't think I'm gonna be to the level I would like... I was Youtubing when I found that previous prostitute video... No it wasn't what you think. I came across these two videos put out by Aljazeerah or whatever...

Hey, at least trash hasn't collected in the streets here... and The gangs don't rule the city... Yet!

Taken.

Has anyone seen Taken? The movie with Liam Neeson.. He plays a spy who's daughter gets stold up for some kind of high roller prostitution thing. I was watching this in Chicago with Erin, and I was like, "No way, this doesn't really happen." Well boy am I naive. Of course it happens...

This little documentary on YouTube spells it out... Pretty much the same way the movie does... The movie does it a little different because the girls are abducted during a trip, these girls are stolen from their homeland. I guess the Albanian's are a bunch of dicks.

They don't let you embed the video.. So you have to click.
Sex Slaves In Italy

Cinderella

My girl, Erin Hurley is the best toilet washer in the bi-county area. She can scrub out the stains of an old port barrel top loader with ultimate flush in seconds.

In homage to my classy McLady, cause she prefers to be referred to as classic McDonald's menu items (some kinky Wisconsin thing), I have written this poem.

Dear McLady,

When I was blue, I took a poo
I looked at it, and thought of you
You clean and clean, only to find
What some a**hole left behind
On hands and knees, you scrub with brushes
Cursing as you put in 2000 flushes
While you know this is not your place
Toilet water splashes in your face

Regards,
-Brown Eye

If anyone needs their carpets trimmed, dishes juggled, or tiles scrubbed... You know who to call!

What's wrong with these people?

Pelosi believes that most of this is just regurgitation from the right-wing conservative radio.

Here is the "My Muslim Faith" article.
http://www.suntimes.com/news/politics/obama/1150540,CST-NWS-faith08.article

Why?

Confessions of a Thrift-a-holic

If you were to tell me that I had more than my fair share of costume party photos, you would be correct. I've been trying to fill my mission of 'a costume for every occasion' for quite some time now and have developed quite intricate knowledge of local options.

Most costume shops are over priced, and the costumes are pretty freaking stupid. Unless you want to be a pirate, then the only issue is that it costs a buttload. Even a sexy pirate which is like 1/3 as much material as your normal pirate.

Today, on my search for the perfect 80's costume to embarrass my girlfriend with, I once again found myself going through my party-time checklist.

First stop, Goodwill. I entered Goodwill looking for party clothes, unfortunately I became very depressed as the only legitimate party clothing they had was a mesh shirt. I will note that Goodwill was full of shoppers, kinda odd for 12:30pm on a Thursday. Unless you need to dress up for a flannel or raggedy suit party, Goodwill is only good for electronics.

Next, Salvation Army. This place is kinda depressing cause there are legitimate people in there shopping and I feel pretentious and judgmental (which I am). I turned around and left almost as soon as I came in. The only thing I have successfully found here was a pair of short shorts for a roller skating party.

That Thrift Store on Front St. This place always has a deal. I have found many many treasures at this store. Plus they seem to have a one-day only sale every day. Quite nice for the last minute costume consumer. One time I found full length bedazzled denim overalls, I kick myself every day for not buying them.

On to Cognito. Cognito is right next to Melissa's old shelter, Crossroads. If you are looking for "nice" clothes that can be worn to a party you have a good chance of finding them here. They had an operation button up t-shirt, swinger gear, elvis wigs, and a plethora of other overpriced goods. However the nice girl was giving everyone 10% off for being in her store. I purchased my most recent acquisition, lean mean Magnum P.I. machine with wig, for just under $100. Which is a lot to pay for a costume, but Tom Selleck would find it a steal. Anyways, I give Cognito props cause they had what I needed.

Moon Zoom. If you need 70s gear, Denim, Motorcycle pants, or Members only jackets, go to Moon Zoom. Pretty cheap, and has a good selection, especially if you are a girl. The lady there was helpful, but unfortunately they had nothing on my Magnum P.I. costume. However! They did satisfy my costume needs for my glorious gangster party in SF.

Last but not lease, Too Much Fun. This place has fake tattoos (my personal favorite), plus all the glorious canned costumes for Halloween. During part of the year it is the "Halloween Headquarters" and has a pretty legit selection of Nurse and Pirate gear. They also have helium for balloons or whip-its.

Anyways, I hope that all 3 of you reading my blog find this information useful.

On the packaging for my new brain it says, "Be Extra Smart."

When I went to Walgreens for a new brain, I figured it would be an add on, not a complete swap out. Well boy was I wrong, this new brain is totally better than my old brain. This brain has none of the previous deficiencies.
- Making my body take off all it's clothes and call 911
- Drink until 5 in the morning by myself
- Miss the deceased relatives that I never knew
- Hate Alexi Semanov
- Yell at cars on the road...

This new brain is fluent in Italian: Come si dice Einstein? Einstein. It's also an expert in Psychology: Relative cognosis is only tangible if developed under the circumstances of empirical evidence. Last but not least, it knows the planets. Jupiter, the one next to jupiter, the moon of jupiter.

All I can say is this is the best 55 dollars I have ever spent.

I still hate Alexi Semanov. My new brain isn't perfect.

Free Table!

Do you remember Free Table? That amazing game in which any food that was put in the middle of the table was up for grabs by hungry helgamites? I used to put other peoples stuff there when they weren't looking. Then I would proclaim, "Johnny, I can't believe you put your turkey lunchable in free table! Thanks man!" I lost many sweatpants during these exercises, but I generally managed to eat half the perfectly squared turkey before being humiliated.

Free table was the best.

I think Obama's economic stimulus plan should include more items that reward skilled steal-ery and quick thinking.

Introductions please.

The decision has been made. I want to fit in. I want to express my day to day routine, corrupt and crazy thoughts, and general observations of life.

I named the blog 'Calm Assertive Josh' because of my respect for how Cesar Milan is able to apply logic, education, and experience to rehabilitate humans. Yeah, may sound kinda stupid, but there is something extremely gratifying to mastering a subject and teaching others how to improve their lives using the same techniques.

Anyways... I will try to update this blog regularly, but most likely it will end up being about my drunk times, phone times, school times, and of course sexy times... Just kidding on the 2nd one.

I have an amazon wishlist in case you want to buy me a present.
Josh's Amazon Wishlist

Stay tuned, and remember to project calm-assertive energy towards mouthy pimple faced Taco Bell employees.